Felling antzy and not sure why, i keep wanting to go running. Or crazy. not sure why.
right not my heart feels constricted inside,
its as if im not satisfied
but why.
i don't understand
is it is as if my mind is shaky
not sure what to think
what to say
just on edge
on edge of what?
Not sure.
Can't tell.
Want to run.
Keep running.
Not sure from what.
NOtt sure why.
this really doesn't make sense.. because i feel like i want to cry
WHAT the Heck!
Ugg
Grr.
Its all i can say right now.
Laugh a little, then a frown.
Whats wrong is what i fail to know.
Feel like a surfer toppled by a wave.
a wake of i dont know
but i want my fondation
my protector
from what to protect i can not see
i just feel
.. stuck on empty
want to. need to. be filled up again.
I need my best friend back.
Wait i think .... maybe. sad because latley I keep failing at being a friend. You know thoes people who are supposed to stick around till the end. But I keep failing. I know i am human.
I keep doing what i am not supposed to.
doing what i said i would not do
and the opposite of what i said
i make a plan but yet, instead
it changes, i change it ,
or just dont do it
but i know my guide can get me through it
wanna cry. scream? no. sigh.
Let out my spirit
to cleanse me then fix what's inside.
the screwed up little messes all compliled together
not sure how much more.
too many longings
to do better, to have, to forget, to remember how much or what is "worth it"
it changes soo much, like i cant keep up
so i want to run.
I probably shouldn't.
not in a mental sense, but just to put it
bluntly. Want space to keep moving, no one beside me
only one to guide me
i want to run.
for it to rain warmly,
and to be drenched in rain like grace that saves my spirit my soul,
so i can remember the days of old where physically, mentally He cleansed me.
Cleanses me.
daily.
even if i am blind as a bat.
Thats why? I want to run....
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
back? but... 4/4/11
One of the most relaxing days was yesterday, I did not do what had planned, or at least in the way that I planned it , but my spirit was calm. My face tanner, but my spirit calm. It was such a warm day. There were tough and weak spots but continuously I am cleansed by His blood. We all are. Have Faith Hope and Love. Out of gifts, love is the most important. At times this can seem nearly impossible. But our God is faithful. No matter what is done, thought, breathed/said, struggled with, He still loves. How can this happen? All I can respond is with ... I have an AWE SOME Savior,God, Friend. Who is the only one there till the end--- of the day, in your heart, my heart His Spirit stays.
With all the crumbling walls falling around, some times I want to believe I am crumbling. That chaos is inevitable. But like Rahab in the Bible. The whole city crumbled, except her tower alone, her tower which was held up by grace. That grace which derived from a promise. She protected the strangers, hid those same spies, men of God and was rescued and spared. Held up she did not die, nor crumble to the ground like all the houses and walls around.
Yesterday in church we talked about how we wallow in our sin. We cry like infants and dwell in the sin we have already been forgiven of. The example used was, if we are like soldiers, and a soldier stubs his/her toe during battle. Would he sit down and cry, give up, be mad, and let it effect his mission? No! of course not. What would be needed is taking inventory (making sure it is not severe) and keep on moving forward.
In our spiritual walk, or at least i know in mine... We tend to fall short, then be up set about it, we question our feelings about God, OUR GOD and think about and question His presence or our feelings. In a battle a Soldier wouldn't back out, a Courageous soldier would not back out. We are called to be courageous. If we stop at every paper cut worrying about how unworthy and how unable we feel then we leave our selfs open to attacks and stop running in the midst of a volcanic eruption. We have to keep running. We have to keep fighting. We need to make things right quickly, but after that we need to keep running, get up and KNOW that we are forgiven, and free, no longer bound in chains, no longer paralyzed. We are the body of Christ. With the Holy Spirit inside we can overcome all with the blood of Christ
My b. for the ranting on and on and on... (see i did it again).
There just has been a lot going on, I know there is all over. Times are getting crazier and crazier. But its ok. because we have peace in the storm (the T shirt i am wearing :P) but yesterday and today is so beautiful. He does restore physically and mentally, as I lied in the sun yesterday my friend Tessa was reading scripture. It was awesome!!! Kim, Mahley, and I rode bikes for transportation and we hung out over the weekend. Time seems to fly by fast, I should be home in a month and I miss people so much! but I get this feeling there may be another journey and struggle that will be coming up. We will see... :P
---In Christ,
Raquelita
With all the crumbling walls falling around, some times I want to believe I am crumbling. That chaos is inevitable. But like Rahab in the Bible. The whole city crumbled, except her tower alone, her tower which was held up by grace. That grace which derived from a promise. She protected the strangers, hid those same spies, men of God and was rescued and spared. Held up she did not die, nor crumble to the ground like all the houses and walls around.
Yesterday in church we talked about how we wallow in our sin. We cry like infants and dwell in the sin we have already been forgiven of. The example used was, if we are like soldiers, and a soldier stubs his/her toe during battle. Would he sit down and cry, give up, be mad, and let it effect his mission? No! of course not. What would be needed is taking inventory (making sure it is not severe) and keep on moving forward.
In our spiritual walk, or at least i know in mine... We tend to fall short, then be up set about it, we question our feelings about God, OUR GOD and think about and question His presence or our feelings. In a battle a Soldier wouldn't back out, a Courageous soldier would not back out. We are called to be courageous. If we stop at every paper cut worrying about how unworthy and how unable we feel then we leave our selfs open to attacks and stop running in the midst of a volcanic eruption. We have to keep running. We have to keep fighting. We need to make things right quickly, but after that we need to keep running, get up and KNOW that we are forgiven, and free, no longer bound in chains, no longer paralyzed. We are the body of Christ. With the Holy Spirit inside we can overcome all with the blood of Christ
My b. for the ranting on and on and on... (see i did it again).
There just has been a lot going on, I know there is all over. Times are getting crazier and crazier. But its ok. because we have peace in the storm (the T shirt i am wearing :P) but yesterday and today is so beautiful. He does restore physically and mentally, as I lied in the sun yesterday my friend Tessa was reading scripture. It was awesome!!! Kim, Mahley, and I rode bikes for transportation and we hung out over the weekend. Time seems to fly by fast, I should be home in a month and I miss people so much! but I get this feeling there may be another journey and struggle that will be coming up. We will see... :P
---In Christ,
Raquelita
Thursday, March 17, 2011
3/17/11
Back :)
From spring break.. spring break... well that is a whole-nother story!
Right now doing Accounting, have a Mid-term (yea ... kinda late) but I thank the Lord for the extra time.
Life has been getting hard. I realized yesterday .. again.. that i need to stop relying on others for approval, or to define me. It is not by human words, ideas, or feelings that define the being or worth of a soul/spirit/ heart/ human. I wanted my Luna-Flor to be here to understand me, but I also realized this is a struggle that I cannot, should not, Better not! run away from. No matter how much I want to .
I got to spend time alone yesterday! its been a while since I have been able to get away. I ran around "my" green field (retreat spot). So many songs continued playing with the same theme of worth and identity. I want to be made back and formed not conformed. I desire a heart set apart.
So sick, so so so sick of this mimicking game. Approval game, and destructive game. Its so hard to stick in one place, I'd much rather prefer meeting people and keep moving. Its really hard to stick in one spot all the time. conflict and other things increase in probability when in one spot too long. I feel like a child stuck in a car seat, while trying to convince myself i am supposed to be... this is what is i need. I know it is, but you know me...
I am a complainer, it is one of my many flaws. But some how I know there is worth, there is worth to every life, spirit, soul. A purpose far bigger/ greater/ beautifuler than any being other than God can imagine. So I will continue to hope, trust, and have faith. Continue to seek the ways of love, for God is love.
Perfect Love, which surpasses all understanding. I cant understand much right now. But its ok, its ok in the hands of my maker. My Jesus, my father, my God, my everything. Can i truly say that? I asked that question yesterday. I think so, because I hope for that in which by trusting I know this is the way I will be made, and the way in which my desires will be shapes.
<3 Your Sister in Christ,
Rachel
Ps. Keep praying for Libya, and Japan.
Please be praying for guidance, wisdom, patience, and love. Also please let me know if you need/want prayer for anything.
From spring break.. spring break... well that is a whole-nother story!
Right now doing Accounting, have a Mid-term (yea ... kinda late) but I thank the Lord for the extra time.
Life has been getting hard. I realized yesterday .. again.. that i need to stop relying on others for approval, or to define me. It is not by human words, ideas, or feelings that define the being or worth of a soul/spirit/ heart/ human. I wanted my Luna-Flor to be here to understand me, but I also realized this is a struggle that I cannot, should not, Better not! run away from. No matter how much I want to .
I got to spend time alone yesterday! its been a while since I have been able to get away. I ran around "my" green field (retreat spot). So many songs continued playing with the same theme of worth and identity. I want to be made back and formed not conformed. I desire a heart set apart.
So sick, so so so sick of this mimicking game. Approval game, and destructive game. Its so hard to stick in one place, I'd much rather prefer meeting people and keep moving. Its really hard to stick in one spot all the time. conflict and other things increase in probability when in one spot too long. I feel like a child stuck in a car seat, while trying to convince myself i am supposed to be... this is what is i need. I know it is, but you know me...
I am a complainer, it is one of my many flaws. But some how I know there is worth, there is worth to every life, spirit, soul. A purpose far bigger/ greater/ beautifuler than any being other than God can imagine. So I will continue to hope, trust, and have faith. Continue to seek the ways of love, for God is love.
Perfect Love, which surpasses all understanding. I cant understand much right now. But its ok, its ok in the hands of my maker. My Jesus, my father, my God, my everything. Can i truly say that? I asked that question yesterday. I think so, because I hope for that in which by trusting I know this is the way I will be made, and the way in which my desires will be shapes.
<3 Your Sister in Christ,
Rachel
Ps. Keep praying for Libya, and Japan.
Please be praying for guidance, wisdom, patience, and love. Also please let me know if you need/want prayer for anything.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
quick post-Sunday.2/13/11
Awe-striking day! My Savior is SO good!
Woke up a little late, but I had peaceful sleep. Went to church, theme = love and how our past relationships affect us now and how we must seek the LORD first to be FULL to Love others.
Bible study followed, we talked about Moses, Look at Genesis 13: 17 !! its so cool!! even though the Lord led the people out of Egypt and he had a plan, a hope for them, But.. he knew that they were not ready for the plan yet.. for his promise yet...
so instead he led them to the Red Sea.
My Father is So good!! He knows how much we can handle he knows how we think and the things we struggle with, thus he never will put us in a situation unless we can stand up under it.
The other day i read a quote, because i was looking for an introduction quote and I really like it! This quote is by : Sloan Wilson
"The Hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard."
I know myself that it is hard for me to let go and realize that people have to make their own choices, but i hit me that this is what our God does all the time!!
even when it is hard, and the worst part is that we blame Him when he gives us freedom, but he never stops because he never stops loving us.
We are his creation, children, joy and delight.
So many beautiful things have i seen this past week.
so much restoration
so much joy
wonderful sensations
of
peace.
Well, after bible study we had love day at a friends house (Amanda )
we talked about Jesus's love. and relationships and hurt and healing and patience and what is love?
we ate yummy food... since it was girls only... of coarse there was chocolate!!!!!! :)
later Bethanne took us home, but we stopped to get gas then she took us to this new secret place she found. It was beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
like a secret garden. or a palace. a hidden castle and a elegant court yard with an outlay of the bay which looked like an ocean ! the court made of grass and random stepping stones looked so elegant like a ball to dance at! there was a wedding the day prior (makes sence),. we continued walking and there were steps that led down to the water! it was beautiful!! SO enchanted. vines grew along the buildings which looked colonial or at least like wine sparkled with age. It was another beauty of our GOD's Awesome creation!!!!!!!! so that was part of my day...
i leave you with this song.
the main lyrics are:
I can cross the ocean
walk across 1000 fields
for you
for you
i can climb the mountains
i can cross the deserts
for you
for you
if i had to cross the ends of the earth
i would do it for you
for you
only for you
---------
Puedo cruzar el mar
Mil campos caminar
//Por ti//
Puedo montañas subir
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/OKw ]
puedo desiertos cruzar
//Por ti//
Y si tuviera
Que ir al fin del mundo
Iría, solo por ti
//Por ti//
(http://www.mp3lyrics.org/e/edgar-lira/por-ti/)
Goodnight. Take care and may the Lord shower his Love on you, with peace beyond all understanding and a heart of passion only for Him. Our Father Our God Our Lord Jesus Christ. the first. Love.
~*~Raqui H Munoz
Woke up a little late, but I had peaceful sleep. Went to church, theme = love and how our past relationships affect us now and how we must seek the LORD first to be FULL to Love others.
Bible study followed, we talked about Moses, Look at Genesis 13: 17 !! its so cool!! even though the Lord led the people out of Egypt and he had a plan, a hope for them, But.. he knew that they were not ready for the plan yet.. for his promise yet...
so instead he led them to the Red Sea.
My Father is So good!! He knows how much we can handle he knows how we think and the things we struggle with, thus he never will put us in a situation unless we can stand up under it.
The other day i read a quote, because i was looking for an introduction quote and I really like it! This quote is by : Sloan Wilson
"The Hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard."
I know myself that it is hard for me to let go and realize that people have to make their own choices, but i hit me that this is what our God does all the time!!
even when it is hard, and the worst part is that we blame Him when he gives us freedom, but he never stops because he never stops loving us.
We are his creation, children, joy and delight.
So many beautiful things have i seen this past week.
so much restoration
so much joy
wonderful sensations
of
peace.
Well, after bible study we had love day at a friends house (Amanda )
we talked about Jesus's love. and relationships and hurt and healing and patience and what is love?
we ate yummy food... since it was girls only... of coarse there was chocolate!!!!!! :)
later Bethanne took us home, but we stopped to get gas then she took us to this new secret place she found. It was beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
like a secret garden. or a palace. a hidden castle and a elegant court yard with an outlay of the bay which looked like an ocean ! the court made of grass and random stepping stones looked so elegant like a ball to dance at! there was a wedding the day prior (makes sence),. we continued walking and there were steps that led down to the water! it was beautiful!! SO enchanted. vines grew along the buildings which looked colonial or at least like wine sparkled with age. It was another beauty of our GOD's Awesome creation!!!!!!!! so that was part of my day...
i leave you with this song.
the main lyrics are:
I can cross the ocean
walk across 1000 fields
for you
for you
i can climb the mountains
i can cross the deserts
for you
for you
if i had to cross the ends of the earth
i would do it for you
for you
only for you
---------
Puedo cruzar el mar
Mil campos caminar
//Por ti//
Puedo montañas subir
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/OKw ]
puedo desiertos cruzar
//Por ti//
Y si tuviera
Que ir al fin del mundo
Iría, solo por ti
//Por ti//
(http://www.mp3lyrics.org/e/edgar-lira/por-ti/)
Goodnight. Take care and may the Lord shower his Love on you, with peace beyond all understanding and a heart of passion only for Him. Our Father Our God Our Lord Jesus Christ. the first. Love.
~*~Raqui H Munoz
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
1/24/11-1/25/11_night+morning=redeemed. summary
I know in the last post I put up a post by Mandisa, But i would like to put up another video... by Toby Mac tho.
Last night at CRASH healing was present. Life was and still is present, all by God's grace. The lady who spoke is such a sweet passionate woman from whom the light does illuminate.We talked about coveting, honestly last week know I did do it, I felt it but pushed it aside in D-Nile (sorry... joke or.. "Joe") of having a weakness of such. But turning our eyes inward in shame and dismantlement is not from the Lord, instead our eyes should remain out ward in order to see God's grace, face, and plan. Which we can not yet understand; BUT, nevertheless, we are to look at our life but not through our eyes but the eyes of our maker, the "I am" the Lord of Abraham, Issac and Jacob, the father who sent his son as a ransom for many, the son who conquered death to bring life and restoration all in the name of Jesus Christ.
The really cool thing is this morning my devotional had Romans 7:11 in it, but I looked at verse 8 which was talking about coveting...
Romans v.7-12 "7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.”[b] 8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of coveting. For apart from the law, sin was dead. 9Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10 I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. 11 For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.
------courtesying of Bible Gateway.com-------------------------------
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%207&version=NIV
Coveting: to crave something, want and long for something, desire something that is not yours, but someone else's.
signs of coveting:
*we are unsatisfied with how things are
*we look to other thing to make us satisfied/ "happy"
here is a check...... if only i had ___ . or ... all i need is _____ to be happy.
OR THE COMMON.... Jesus +_____, (fill in the blank....)
As the lady spoke last night about two main people,
#1: Cain
-------Genesis 4
In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. 4 And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
6 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
<> How God favored Jacob's gift over Cain's which made Cain's face 'angry' and 'downcast' . But the Lord warned Cain not to sin because it was at the door after he began to covet his brothers favor with the Lord.
<> instead, Cain plotted against his brother and killed him which was seen by the Lord and he punished Cain,
"11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”"
-- but even with punishment, the Lord still protected him,
13 Cain said to the LORD, “My punishment is more than I can bear. 14 Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”
15 But the LORD said to him, “Not so[e]; anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him. 16 So Cain went out from the LORD’s presence and lived in the land of Nod,[f] east of Eden.
THEN.. there was:
#2: Hannah
<> Who struggled because she was barren.
" 1 There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite[a] from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah..."
2 He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.
3 Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the LORD Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the LORD. 4 Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. 5 But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb. 6 Because the LORD had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. 8 Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”
<> her sister, Penninnah would provoke her to anger because of jelousy, as Hannah must have sometime coveted her siters ability to have children, and her children also. But inspite of her desire, hurt, struggle, weakness, or even shame Hannah went and poured her hear out to the LORD. She did not kill her sister, she did not give up seeking the LORD, she did not excuse her actions by her sense of loss or unfairness instead she HUMBLED herself, and even offered her dreams and hopes(her son) faithfully. She did not have a son, but if the Lord blessed her, she was willing to give him up in servitude for the LORD.
" 12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
19 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the LORD remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,[b]saying, “Because I asked the LORD for him. 21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, 22 Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.”[c]
---1 Samuel 1 (not the whole chapter.. but some of it... again.. courtousy of Biblegateway.com :)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Samuel+1&version=NIV
---Proverbs 13:9
HOW TO AVOID....
" we avoid coveting by believing and making God is enough"
OTHER bible verses:
1 Timothy 6:6-8
Romans 12:2a
Philippians 4:12-13
SO.... this is something that has been on my heart. I know that this has become a struggle but by Gods grace and patience nothing is impossible, He has over come. My prayer. To be humbled. TO have a servants heart. TO always look up at my savior. May the Lord continue to open my eyes, so that i may see his glory. May i not turn away when things get hard, may i not look away when it is messy, but be a firefigher, a lighthouse, and a friend.
<3
Last night at CRASH healing was present. Life was and still is present, all by God's grace. The lady who spoke is such a sweet passionate woman from whom the light does illuminate.We talked about coveting, honestly last week know I did do it, I felt it but pushed it aside in D-Nile (sorry... joke or.. "Joe") of having a weakness of such. But turning our eyes inward in shame and dismantlement is not from the Lord, instead our eyes should remain out ward in order to see God's grace, face, and plan. Which we can not yet understand; BUT, nevertheless, we are to look at our life but not through our eyes but the eyes of our maker, the "I am" the Lord of Abraham, Issac and Jacob, the father who sent his son as a ransom for many, the son who conquered death to bring life and restoration all in the name of Jesus Christ.
The really cool thing is this morning my devotional had Romans 7:11 in it, but I looked at verse 8 which was talking about coveting...
Romans v.7-12 "7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.”[b] 8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of coveting. For apart from the law, sin was dead. 9Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10 I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. 11 For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.
------courtesying of Bible Gateway.com-------------------------------
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%207&version=NIV
Coveting: to crave something, want and long for something, desire something that is not yours, but someone else's.
signs of coveting:
*we are unsatisfied with how things are
*we look to other thing to make us satisfied/ "happy"
here is a check...... if only i had ___ . or ... all i need is _____ to be happy.
OR THE COMMON.... Jesus +_____, (fill in the blank....)
As the lady spoke last night about two main people,
#1: Cain
-------Genesis 4
In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. 4 And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
6 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
<> How God favored Jacob's gift over Cain's which made Cain's face 'angry' and 'downcast' . But the Lord warned Cain not to sin because it was at the door after he began to covet his brothers favor with the Lord.
<> instead, Cain plotted against his brother and killed him which was seen by the Lord and he punished Cain,
"11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”"
-- but even with punishment, the Lord still protected him,
13 Cain said to the LORD, “My punishment is more than I can bear. 14 Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”
15 But the LORD said to him, “Not so[e]; anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him. 16 So Cain went out from the LORD’s presence and lived in the land of Nod,[f] east of Eden.
THEN.. there was:
#2: Hannah
<> Who struggled because she was barren.
" 1 There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite[a] from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah..."
2 He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.
3 Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the LORD Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the LORD. 4 Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. 5 But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb. 6 Because the LORD had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. 8 Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”
<> her sister, Penninnah would provoke her to anger because of jelousy, as Hannah must have sometime coveted her siters ability to have children, and her children also. But inspite of her desire, hurt, struggle, weakness, or even shame Hannah went and poured her hear out to the LORD. She did not kill her sister, she did not give up seeking the LORD, she did not excuse her actions by her sense of loss or unfairness instead she HUMBLED herself, and even offered her dreams and hopes(her son) faithfully. She did not have a son, but if the Lord blessed her, she was willing to give him up in servitude for the LORD.
" 12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
19 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the LORD remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,[b]saying, “Because I asked the LORD for him. 21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, 22 Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.”[c]
---1 Samuel 1 (not the whole chapter.. but some of it... again.. courtousy of Biblegateway.com :)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Samuel+1&version=NIV
---Proverbs 13:9
HOW TO AVOID....
" we avoid coveting by believing and making God is enough"
OTHER bible verses:
1 Timothy 6:6-8
Romans 12:2a
Philippians 4:12-13
SO.... this is something that has been on my heart. I know that this has become a struggle but by Gods grace and patience nothing is impossible, He has over come. My prayer. To be humbled. TO have a servants heart. TO always look up at my savior. May the Lord continue to open my eyes, so that i may see his glory. May i not turn away when things get hard, may i not look away when it is messy, but be a firefigher, a lighthouse, and a friend.
<3
Saturday, January 22, 2011
1/22/11: a new favorite song
touches, and reminds me of Ruah last night.
God is good in deed. Through trials, we should seek His strength knowing He will be guiding and watching waiting, like learning to ride a bike. Though we may fall, we are guided, we get back on with the encouragement of the teacher. But in the end He lets us go as he watches us ride. He never left us, instead he runs by your side.
God is good in deed. Through trials, we should seek His strength knowing He will be guiding and watching waiting, like learning to ride a bike. Though we may fall, we are guided, we get back on with the encouragement of the teacher. But in the end He lets us go as he watches us ride. He never left us, instead he runs by your side.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
about that day: 1/19/11-1/20/11 {the symphony of art}
Piece of my heart on this mushy, wet, turned to sunny day: Bible study night, the first of my spring semester
(edited for all)
Like a crumbled rock am I.
Brittle weak and dry.
The feeling of falling to pieces overwhelms me
I don't know.
anything.
In confusion i question.
but questioning is not from You.
You are truth
my light my strength
my maker, the potter.
hands so firm so strong
but not too strong
as you delicately form me.
under this sunken dirt
at the center is the clay
of many colors am I because i cannot help but change in my surroundings
from soft and malleable to hard and unmoving
my heart seems to be
you are truth
love,
kindness,
As so i want to be.
given fully to you.
Keep me humble
uncomfortable, only to draw me near,
close to you
your heart
your hands my maker
so warm
so tender
May your patience continue each day
My heart aches.
My maker, my love
Why am I seeking approval?
bothered by actions, language movement
My heart aches,
My joy, my strength,
my comfort and friend
brittle am I
as each act seems to chip away, away at this brittle skin that has formed over the clay of my heart
why am i dry?
why am i dry?
am i dry?
or is this just how i feel.
what is it to feel, what does it mean?
i feel wet, sloppy-
soaked in emotions of many kinds
full of thoughts.
We are-
"struck down but not destroyed"
by your faith full-ness
by your patience
by your still strong hands please guide me
my lover, my friend
my clay maker.
May you continue to love me,
guide me,
and mold me,
with your strong peaceful hands.
I am your clay , you are my potter.
may i continue to surrender each day.
(edited for all)
Like a crumbled rock am I.
Brittle weak and dry.
The feeling of falling to pieces overwhelms me
I don't know.
anything.
In confusion i question.
but questioning is not from You.
You are truth
my light my strength
my maker, the potter.
hands so firm so strong
but not too strong
as you delicately form me.
under this sunken dirt
at the center is the clay
of many colors am I because i cannot help but change in my surroundings
from soft and malleable to hard and unmoving
my heart seems to be
you are truth
love,
kindness,
As so i want to be.
given fully to you.
Keep me humble
uncomfortable, only to draw me near,
close to you
your heart
your hands my maker
so warm
so tender
May your patience continue each day
My heart aches.
My maker, my love
Why am I seeking approval?
bothered by actions, language movement
My heart aches,
My joy, my strength,
my comfort and friend
brittle am I
as each act seems to chip away, away at this brittle skin that has formed over the clay of my heart
why am i dry?
why am i dry?
am i dry?
or is this just how i feel.
what is it to feel, what does it mean?
i feel wet, sloppy-
soaked in emotions of many kinds
full of thoughts.
We are-
"struck down but not destroyed"
by your faith full-ness
by your patience
by your still strong hands please guide me
my lover, my friend
my clay maker.
May you continue to love me,
guide me,
and mold me,
with your strong peaceful hands.
I am your clay , you are my potter.
may i continue to surrender each day.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
1/13/11-13 is one of my favorite numbers :)
This is a poem, Hi, I haven't written one in a while. since my emotions were loco, have i not written. but they are not now. Just thoughts which loom....
Just a meaning... just a "breath".
A flower fades away as the seasons change
a petal falls off here, maybe one suspended in air
for a second.
something happed.
be careful to watch carefully
before it's gone
fallen and fading into a watery puddle
it can be beautiful
but no longer is it the same as before
this petal once so beautiful
once so delicate will be come apart of something new
it will die
it has died
for a moment life cannot be seen but the remnants of a past season
Winter is a long time.
It is a cold long challenging time
for nature and the life in it
bears hibernate, the snow comes and goes
colors change
all but the evergreen
They stay, enduring, lasting.
They are not the prettiest but they are admired and grown for their character
something happened.
the wind passes and brings a warm breath
like God formed man with the "breath of life" so this warm wind changes things
it stirs the plants animals and beings
spring is coming. have hope. prepare and bud.
remember to watch.
be careful to watch carefully.
a springing from the ground begins
a budding of new growth.
the seed which was dropped because the outer beauty called a petal fell.
remember.
watch
be careful
to watch carefully.
pay attention.
because the past is a witness to the future
the petal which faded into a watery puddle was just a reflection
a reflection of beauty
this the flower knew
but it continued to change as the day passed
never staying the same
a home for the hungry and a cover in rain
a pleasing sight but protected by thorns is this rose
this budding flower that continues to change
because it is willing to shed
shed its beauty
even more replaces it
this flower spread its seeds
and after the seasons change growth will happen again
after the long cold challenging time
life will begin this time more
this time stronger
this time more beautiful than before.
because it understands
it understands what it means to give
without holding onto anything
it understands
Just a meaning... just a "breath".
A flower fades away as the seasons change
a petal falls off here, maybe one suspended in air
for a second.
something happed.
be careful to watch carefully
before it's gone
fallen and fading into a watery puddle
it can be beautiful
but no longer is it the same as before
this petal once so beautiful
once so delicate will be come apart of something new
it will die
it has died
for a moment life cannot be seen but the remnants of a past season
Winter is a long time.
It is a cold long challenging time
for nature and the life in it
bears hibernate, the snow comes and goes
colors change
all but the evergreen
They stay, enduring, lasting.
They are not the prettiest but they are admired and grown for their character
something happened.
the wind passes and brings a warm breath
like God formed man with the "breath of life" so this warm wind changes things
it stirs the plants animals and beings
spring is coming. have hope. prepare and bud.
remember to watch.
be careful to watch carefully.
a springing from the ground begins
a budding of new growth.
the seed which was dropped because the outer beauty called a petal fell.
remember.
watch
be careful
to watch carefully.
pay attention.
because the past is a witness to the future
the petal which faded into a watery puddle was just a reflection
a reflection of beauty
this the flower knew
but it continued to change as the day passed
never staying the same
a home for the hungry and a cover in rain
a pleasing sight but protected by thorns is this rose
this budding flower that continues to change
because it is willing to shed
shed its beauty
even more replaces it
this flower spread its seeds
and after the seasons change growth will happen again
after the long cold challenging time
life will begin this time more
this time stronger
this time more beautiful than before.
because it understands
it understands what it means to give
without holding onto anything
it understands
Romans 6:13
Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God.
1 Peter 3:3-43 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
sources:
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
1/12/2011-midweek of the 1st week back
OK.. I think I am beginning to get tired... of lack of sleep that is... but I also like my 8:00 am classes... call me loca. Today I found this nice song... By: Melodie Joy
All in all i am beginning to realize that I will really have to stay on top of the work load this semester.
Oh and praise the LORD@!!!!! I returned a book today that was about $70 because my teacher does not require it ( like i said... praise the LORD!!!!!)
Tonight is game night for bible study... I am not sure whether to go or not... but we will be meeting up with our Bother small group for dinner.. then about 2-3 hours of games... hmm... we will see...
I also feel like a pregnant woman currently.. as now i know why i was craving chocolate and cereal the past couple days....
With everything that is going on i know that God is in control. I have been also reading 1 Corinthians 7 ... not helping :\
Past thoughts slowly creep at me.. which i realized yesterday at CRASH... it feels weird.
I have been writing on my wheel... and I am starting to really like this idea... collecting writing mediums with memories was something i started Fresh. year of college and I am still not sure if i am going to keep them all... to many things.... where are my treasures? Is my thought in question. Of which i might scatter.
This book i have been reading also has got me thinking about purity... but what is it really?
Just abstinance? of mind and soul? what/?
In the bible... dating is not talked about nor supported.. but why do people do it nowadays?
GRR. Honesly. i want to take my heart out of my chest. and give it to GOD so I don't have to think. I want it to beat for one alone. I want to be completely new. wanna tear this old from this new. why does this temptation follow me. i guess unless i stop it it will do as its pleases so please make in me clean heart O Lord and steadfast spirit. I font want to be wind unless it is the unseen change that is ever so present, which whispers quietly in the ear so that it may glorify its' maker. Shae is here.. a crazy but nice friend.. and i gotta take care of my baby. Grr. it is nagging me!!! iight bye-bye. <3 till next time my friends.
Monday, January 10, 2011
January Monday, 10th, 2011
Woke up slowly, peacefully, I did not feel that tired. Past my bed time early morning did i sleep, but there was a quietness in my soul. Only Praise the Lord the day before, even the day before that i felt nervousness. With my stomach in a fear knotted lump i waited in anticipation. But this morning when i woke up, the peace from the Spirit, woke me up. Breakfast at 7:00am. Mickey had a cool story about being called. called to act in so instead of sit around. called to sacrifice. But not in so many words. He told me about action. This cool story set a common pattern of today, as I listened to a sermon from New Life (the church i have down here, with pastor Dan), he talked about action, how we pray to ask God to change our neighborhoods, but we might be the person with that mission. How we have to open our eyes, hearts and fight in the spirit (another sermon by Louie Gigilo , talked about the battle is not of the flesh, and we are called to be IN THE WORLD, BUT NOT OF THE WORLD... how the battle is not of the flesh...) "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."http://bible.cc/ephesians/6-12.htm
Ephesians 6:12
but when we open our eyes and fight in the spirit, it calls us to action. We must step out of our comfort zone and fulfill our mission. The Lord uses the people that He chooses, and how when we are in a situation it is because He wants to use us.
This has not been the only thing on my mind today, nor the only theme.
<*>Nehemiah 4
<*>Philippians 4
<*>Ephesians 2
<*>1 Corinthians 7
<*>2 Corinthians 7
Honestly, I realize I need to stop judging. and picking things apart. This is a hard truth to come to. At times I feel like I should say something, but now I wonder if it is my place. This struggle may be one of my many thorns that I have in my side. After several months of pondering... I am left with the same struggle.
I know we are called to love. This too I strive after, to love. But if we correct in love is it our place? Or is it not?
Love is patience love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast it holds no record of wrong, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered; love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. " 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." http://niv.scripturetext.com/1_corinthians/13.htm
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
If we follow the word as our guidance for love, then should it be OK to correct in love? or is it still wrong?
At times I desire to take a vow of silence for my words frustrate me. My mind replays the things I say.
Like I said these things, my thoughts, are recent and reoccurring. A weird thought but.. is it bad to desire not to see or speak? These things two things I at times do not want. TO be blind more than I am with out glasses and see only color, so that you can not judge. But it saddens me that I might be unable to read it also might be complicated and frustrating, but then it would force me to get over it and accept the inability. OK my sight is not as much my struggle, but the tongue is truly and evil thing or is it? It can bless one minute and curse the next. But does that make it evil? Out of the mouth comes the thoughts of the heart. Then my human heart is what is evil.... it would be nice to silence it. We are only supposed to speak with uplifting words, but uplifting words are not the ones the ones that eagerly speed out. I want a week. A week of no talking. I want to silence the evil. But project the good. GRR ! This frustrates me. Anyways... today has been an Amazing day, my first class only lasted about 25 minutes, and then i got to work and also relaxed some.. (did some reading... not helping slow thoughts tho..) went to my second class met two new people, and i am done for the day.. or at least done with attending classes, Goal to work out at 4:00 with Shae , go to dinner at Whitehurst with Kimberly, and CRASH tonight at 8 then home, more H.W. read and sleepzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I also reviewed Japanese a little bit today (:P)
next time i will try to be more brief. sorry (8\)
next time i will try to be brief sorry (8\)
My love goes out to you all, and I miss home and my friends/family there.
although I miss you I know this is where I have to be (for the time being)
Keep in touch;keep in prayer; keep me updated. :D
CHECK OUT ARITHMETIC- BY BROOKE
Its one of her older ones but i like it and i was doing math while listening to it :) you should do math too !! ( : )) (: D)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJHa9yVgEHg&feature=related
Ephesians 6:12
but when we open our eyes and fight in the spirit, it calls us to action. We must step out of our comfort zone and fulfill our mission. The Lord uses the people that He chooses, and how when we are in a situation it is because He wants to use us.
This has not been the only thing on my mind today, nor the only theme.
<*>Nehemiah 4
<*>Philippians 4
<*>Ephesians 2
<*>1 Corinthians 7
<*>2 Corinthians 7
Honestly, I realize I need to stop judging. and picking things apart. This is a hard truth to come to. At times I feel like I should say something, but now I wonder if it is my place. This struggle may be one of my many thorns that I have in my side. After several months of pondering... I am left with the same struggle.
I know we are called to love. This too I strive after, to love. But if we correct in love is it our place? Or is it not?
Love is patience love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast it holds no record of wrong, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered; love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. " 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." http://niv.scripturetext.com/1_corinthians/13.htm
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
If we follow the word as our guidance for love, then should it be OK to correct in love? or is it still wrong?
At times I desire to take a vow of silence for my words frustrate me. My mind replays the things I say.
Like I said these things, my thoughts, are recent and reoccurring. A weird thought but.. is it bad to desire not to see or speak? These things two things I at times do not want. TO be blind more than I am with out glasses and see only color, so that you can not judge. But it saddens me that I might be unable to read it also might be complicated and frustrating, but then it would force me to get over it and accept the inability. OK my sight is not as much my struggle, but the tongue is truly and evil thing or is it? It can bless one minute and curse the next. But does that make it evil? Out of the mouth comes the thoughts of the heart. Then my human heart is what is evil.... it would be nice to silence it. We are only supposed to speak with uplifting words, but uplifting words are not the ones the ones that eagerly speed out. I want a week. A week of no talking. I want to silence the evil. But project the good. GRR ! This frustrates me. Anyways... today has been an Amazing day, my first class only lasted about 25 minutes, and then i got to work and also relaxed some.. (did some reading... not helping slow thoughts tho..) went to my second class met two new people, and i am done for the day.. or at least done with attending classes, Goal to work out at 4:00 with Shae , go to dinner at Whitehurst with Kimberly, and CRASH tonight at 8 then home, more H.W. read and sleepzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I also reviewed Japanese a little bit today (:P)
next time i will try to be more brief. sorry (8\)
next time i will try to be brief sorry (8\)
My love goes out to you all, and I miss home and my friends/family there.
although I miss you I know this is where I have to be (for the time being)
Keep in touch;keep in prayer; keep me updated. :D
CHECK OUT ARITHMETIC- BY BROOKE
Its one of her older ones but i like it and i was doing math while listening to it :) you should do math too !! ( : )) (: D)
OR THE LINK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJHa9yVgEHg&feature=related
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