4/29/11--RuN

Felling antzy and not sure why, i keep wanting to go running. Or crazy. not sure why.
right not my heart feels constricted inside,
its as if im not satisfied
but why.
i don't understand
is it is as if my mind is shaky
not sure what to think
what to say
just on edge
on edge of what?
Not sure.
Can't tell.
Want to run.
Keep running.
Not sure from what.
NOtt sure why.
this really doesn't make sense.. because i feel like i want to cry
WHAT the Heck!
Ugg
Grr.
Its all i can say right now.
Laugh a little, then a frown.
Whats wrong is what i fail to know.
Feel like a surfer toppled by a wave.
a wake of i dont know
but i want my fondation
my protector
from what to protect i can not see
i just feel
.. stuck on empty
want to. need to. be filled up again.
I need my best friend back.
Wait i think .... maybe. sad because latley I keep failing at being a friend. You know thoes people who are supposed to stick around till the end. But I keep failing. I know i am human.
I keep doing what i am not supposed to.
doing what i said i would not do
and the opposite of what i said
i make a plan but yet, instead
it changes, i change it ,
or just dont do it
but i know my guide can get me through it
wanna cry. scream? no. sigh.
Let out my spirit
to cleanse me then fix what's inside.
the screwed up little messes all compliled together
not sure how much more.
too many longings
to do better, to have, to forget, to remember how much or what is "worth it"
it changes soo much, like i cant keep up
so i want to run.
I probably shouldn't.
not in a mental sense, but just to put it
bluntly. Want space to keep moving, no one beside me
only one to guide me
i want to run.
for it to rain warmly,
and to be drenched in rain like grace that saves my spirit my soul,
so i can remember the days of old where physically, mentally He cleansed me.
Cleanses me.
daily.
even if i am blind as a bat.
Thats why? I want to run....