Felling antzy and not sure why, i keep wanting to go running. Or crazy. not sure why.
right not my heart feels constricted inside,
its as if im not satisfied
but why.
i don't understand
is it is as if my mind is shaky
not sure what to think
what to say
just on edge
on edge of what?
Not sure.
Can't tell.
Want to run.
Keep running.
Not sure from what.
NOtt sure why.
this really doesn't make sense.. because i feel like i want to cry
WHAT the Heck!
Ugg
Grr.
Its all i can say right now.
Laugh a little, then a frown.
Whats wrong is what i fail to know.
Feel like a surfer toppled by a wave.
a wake of i dont know
but i want my fondation
my protector
from what to protect i can not see
i just feel
.. stuck on empty
want to. need to. be filled up again.
I need my best friend back.
Wait i think .... maybe. sad because latley I keep failing at being a friend. You know thoes people who are supposed to stick around till the end. But I keep failing. I know i am human.
I keep doing what i am not supposed to.
doing what i said i would not do
and the opposite of what i said
i make a plan but yet, instead
it changes, i change it ,
or just dont do it
but i know my guide can get me through it
wanna cry. scream? no. sigh.
Let out my spirit
to cleanse me then fix what's inside.
the screwed up little messes all compliled together
not sure how much more.
too many longings
to do better, to have, to forget, to remember how much or what is "worth it"
it changes soo much, like i cant keep up
so i want to run.
I probably shouldn't.
not in a mental sense, but just to put it
bluntly. Want space to keep moving, no one beside me
only one to guide me
i want to run.
for it to rain warmly,
and to be drenched in rain like grace that saves my spirit my soul,
so i can remember the days of old where physically, mentally He cleansed me.
Cleanses me.
daily.
even if i am blind as a bat.
Thats why? I want to run....
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
back? but... 4/4/11
One of the most relaxing days was yesterday, I did not do what had planned, or at least in the way that I planned it , but my spirit was calm. My face tanner, but my spirit calm. It was such a warm day. There were tough and weak spots but continuously I am cleansed by His blood. We all are. Have Faith Hope and Love. Out of gifts, love is the most important. At times this can seem nearly impossible. But our God is faithful. No matter what is done, thought, breathed/said, struggled with, He still loves. How can this happen? All I can respond is with ... I have an AWE SOME Savior,God, Friend. Who is the only one there till the end--- of the day, in your heart, my heart His Spirit stays.
With all the crumbling walls falling around, some times I want to believe I am crumbling. That chaos is inevitable. But like Rahab in the Bible. The whole city crumbled, except her tower alone, her tower which was held up by grace. That grace which derived from a promise. She protected the strangers, hid those same spies, men of God and was rescued and spared. Held up she did not die, nor crumble to the ground like all the houses and walls around.
Yesterday in church we talked about how we wallow in our sin. We cry like infants and dwell in the sin we have already been forgiven of. The example used was, if we are like soldiers, and a soldier stubs his/her toe during battle. Would he sit down and cry, give up, be mad, and let it effect his mission? No! of course not. What would be needed is taking inventory (making sure it is not severe) and keep on moving forward.
In our spiritual walk, or at least i know in mine... We tend to fall short, then be up set about it, we question our feelings about God, OUR GOD and think about and question His presence or our feelings. In a battle a Soldier wouldn't back out, a Courageous soldier would not back out. We are called to be courageous. If we stop at every paper cut worrying about how unworthy and how unable we feel then we leave our selfs open to attacks and stop running in the midst of a volcanic eruption. We have to keep running. We have to keep fighting. We need to make things right quickly, but after that we need to keep running, get up and KNOW that we are forgiven, and free, no longer bound in chains, no longer paralyzed. We are the body of Christ. With the Holy Spirit inside we can overcome all with the blood of Christ
My b. for the ranting on and on and on... (see i did it again).
There just has been a lot going on, I know there is all over. Times are getting crazier and crazier. But its ok. because we have peace in the storm (the T shirt i am wearing :P) but yesterday and today is so beautiful. He does restore physically and mentally, as I lied in the sun yesterday my friend Tessa was reading scripture. It was awesome!!! Kim, Mahley, and I rode bikes for transportation and we hung out over the weekend. Time seems to fly by fast, I should be home in a month and I miss people so much! but I get this feeling there may be another journey and struggle that will be coming up. We will see... :P
---In Christ,
Raquelita
With all the crumbling walls falling around, some times I want to believe I am crumbling. That chaos is inevitable. But like Rahab in the Bible. The whole city crumbled, except her tower alone, her tower which was held up by grace. That grace which derived from a promise. She protected the strangers, hid those same spies, men of God and was rescued and spared. Held up she did not die, nor crumble to the ground like all the houses and walls around.
Yesterday in church we talked about how we wallow in our sin. We cry like infants and dwell in the sin we have already been forgiven of. The example used was, if we are like soldiers, and a soldier stubs his/her toe during battle. Would he sit down and cry, give up, be mad, and let it effect his mission? No! of course not. What would be needed is taking inventory (making sure it is not severe) and keep on moving forward.
In our spiritual walk, or at least i know in mine... We tend to fall short, then be up set about it, we question our feelings about God, OUR GOD and think about and question His presence or our feelings. In a battle a Soldier wouldn't back out, a Courageous soldier would not back out. We are called to be courageous. If we stop at every paper cut worrying about how unworthy and how unable we feel then we leave our selfs open to attacks and stop running in the midst of a volcanic eruption. We have to keep running. We have to keep fighting. We need to make things right quickly, but after that we need to keep running, get up and KNOW that we are forgiven, and free, no longer bound in chains, no longer paralyzed. We are the body of Christ. With the Holy Spirit inside we can overcome all with the blood of Christ
My b. for the ranting on and on and on... (see i did it again).
There just has been a lot going on, I know there is all over. Times are getting crazier and crazier. But its ok. because we have peace in the storm (the T shirt i am wearing :P) but yesterday and today is so beautiful. He does restore physically and mentally, as I lied in the sun yesterday my friend Tessa was reading scripture. It was awesome!!! Kim, Mahley, and I rode bikes for transportation and we hung out over the weekend. Time seems to fly by fast, I should be home in a month and I miss people so much! but I get this feeling there may be another journey and struggle that will be coming up. We will see... :P
---In Christ,
Raquelita
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)