Back :)
From spring break.. spring break... well that is a whole-nother story!
Right now doing Accounting, have a Mid-term (yea ... kinda late) but I thank the Lord for the extra time.
Life has been getting hard. I realized yesterday .. again.. that i need to stop relying on others for approval, or to define me. It is not by human words, ideas, or feelings that define the being or worth of a soul/spirit/ heart/ human. I wanted my Luna-Flor to be here to understand me, but I also realized this is a struggle that I cannot, should not, Better not! run away from. No matter how much I want to .
I got to spend time alone yesterday! its been a while since I have been able to get away. I ran around "my" green field (retreat spot). So many songs continued playing with the same theme of worth and identity. I want to be made back and formed not conformed. I desire a heart set apart.
So sick, so so so sick of this mimicking game. Approval game, and destructive game. Its so hard to stick in one place, I'd much rather prefer meeting people and keep moving. Its really hard to stick in one spot all the time. conflict and other things increase in probability when in one spot too long. I feel like a child stuck in a car seat, while trying to convince myself i am supposed to be... this is what is i need. I know it is, but you know me...
I am a complainer, it is one of my many flaws. But some how I know there is worth, there is worth to every life, spirit, soul. A purpose far bigger/ greater/ beautifuler than any being other than God can imagine. So I will continue to hope, trust, and have faith. Continue to seek the ways of love, for God is love.
Perfect Love, which surpasses all understanding. I cant understand much right now. But its ok, its ok in the hands of my maker. My Jesus, my father, my God, my everything. Can i truly say that? I asked that question yesterday. I think so, because I hope for that in which by trusting I know this is the way I will be made, and the way in which my desires will be shapes.
<3 Your Sister in Christ,
Rachel
Ps. Keep praying for Libya, and Japan.
Please be praying for guidance, wisdom, patience, and love. Also please let me know if you need/want prayer for anything.
